Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Summer is at our doorstep and yet I don't have the staple of every girl's summer wardrobe: A frickin swimsuit!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I grew out of a RipCurl bikini that I bought 3 years ago, and still since I had nothing else to wear, I wore it to the beach last weekend. It didn't cover what I needed to cover....my chest. Felt like I was starring in a porno. Tres inappropriate.

Bandeau bikinis are totally in right now and they're selling em everywhere. I've always wanted a bandeau so yesterday I tried one on at Old Navy.....and the results? DISASTROUS!

How could something so adorable look like a nightmare on me!?!?!!? WHYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy........I tell you! It's a curse to have D cup breasts! You positively can't wear anything cute. No baby tops and certainly NO bandeaus!!

I can't even begin to describe how a bandeau looks on me....let's just say it looked hugely out of place and disfiguring! My mommy warned me about bandeaus and I should've listened and stay with a normal triangular bikini.

Worst part is, deep down I still think there's hope for me and bandeaus so I tried to keep the dream alive by consulting online public opinion. But nope...most agree bandeaus are flattering only to small breasts.

Bottom line is: I wish I had B cup breasts. That would be the most ideal size. What my friend, Joycee says: "Omg sapphire gimme some of your chest." ....yes Joycee, I wish...I wish.

6 Ways to flatten my chest to a B-cup:

1. Sleep on my chest from now on

2. Replace bra with duct tape

3. Stop eating papaya
4. Work out my pecs

5. Immitate KingKong when angry

6. Get a de-boobing surgery